I'm annoying at parties, or at least in my own head I assume I am.

I don’t mean in the "I don't pick up on social cues" way or in the "I talk too loud" way.

It’s more in the fact that I find myself having conversations around getting people out of their comfort zone or challenging someone to follow their big dreams, or even actually telling people how I am when they ask me “How are you?”.

And sure, there’s plenty of exaggeration here to make a point. People don’t actually avoid me at gatherings (I hope!). I have friends who invite me places. My wife still brings me to events.

But there’s something real here, too. Years and years of professional listening has meant noticing this tension more and more.

Why This Happens

My job is to listen and then sketch.

I spend hours in rooms with leadership teams and strategic planning sessions. Drawing while people talk through challenges, decisions, what matters to their organizations.

These aren’t your party-setting, casual conversations. There’s weight to them. People trying to figure out what actually needs attention.

Then, when I go to a regular social gathering - some of that is still sitting with me.

I notice things. See patterns and then wonder about the gap between what people say out loud and what seems to be happening in their world.

Example: I’m at a banquet dinner. Beautiful event. Multiple courses, great atmosphere.

Someone talks about needing more food donations to serve people in need.

I look around. There are dozens of plates with untouched steaks that will go straight to waste because of health codes. Good food that can’t be repurposed.

The contradiction sits there in my head. I mention it, trying to be helpful about the disconnect.

As you can imagine, people are not thrilled with observations like these.

A team member mentions later: “Maybe save that thought for a different setting.”

Fair enough.

The Mismatch

Most casual conversations flow naturally. They involve people catching up on life, sharing what’s new in their world, enjoying each other’s company.

I’m often thinking about the layer underneath. Not in a judgmental way. Just noticing.

After years of sitting in rooms where my job is to catch what’s not being said out loud, it’s become second nature.

Which doesn’t always work well in a living room.

I get paid to notice patterns and remember details. That skill sometimes doesn’t have an off switch. Hence my feeling of being annoying. But is it really?

When This Actually Helps

After workshops, clients sometimes hang back. Stay on the call a few extra minutes. Want to keep talking.

They’re looking for a different kind of conversation. One that goes a bit deeper. Asks what’s really happening.

Sometimes, people appreciate that someone noticed the thing they were worried about but hadn’t named yet.

The same thing that can feel slightly awkward at social events becomes useful in client work.

Seeing what’s underneath. Creating space for honest conversations. Helping people think through what they might be avoiding.

Maybe the trait that makes casual small talk harder is exactly what helps in professional settings.

The Work and The Life

I think all of this comes from genuinely caring about helping people get clarity.

I’m definitely not trying to make anyone uncomfortable. And 100% not looking to point out problems just to point them out.

It’s just hard to unsee things once you’ve trained yourself to notice them.

The attention to patterns doesn’t turn off when I leave client sessions. It’s there at dinner parties and casual conversations.

It’s both useful and occasionally inconvenient. (Ask my sons on roadtrips).

I get to do work that helps people see their situations more clearly. That matters to me.

But I also notice things in regular life that maybe I could just let slide. Could probably be better at that.

Not Alone

Have you ever felt slightly out of step in casual conversations because your professional mode is still running?

Do you notice things other people seem comfortable not noticing?

If you sometimes have a tough time with where to put all the observations your work has trained you to make, you’re not alone.

Maybe it just means the work has shaped how you see things.

And maybe that’s okay. It might just mean you’re a little annoying at parties.

Grateful you are here,

Wade